Friday, March 13, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
All we have...
Its really hard being a female only child. I mean sure there's some ups and downs but lately all i've been seeing are the downs. Not being able to stay as late as friends do in Vancouver, being called A LOT by my parents when i do go out, having them upset with me when i've missed their calls, not being able to get away with some things, excessive attention, being blamed for everything, feeling like too many of these expectations are weighed onto me.. should i really go on with this complaining? I didnt write this blog post to whine and bore you but i actually relearned something that for some reason hadn't affected me so much in past times.
Next month i'm leaving with sicktylz for a huge competition out of Canada. I could have sworn I had told my parents but i guess not because once i gave them the consent forms my dad was ...surprised (and not in the good way). It worries him that we're being driven there by sickstylz members. I dont see what the big deal is. I've been driven to some practices by them it really isn't anything new. I know it's going to be a longass drive from here to there but if they didn't think it was possible they wouldn't have planned it out this way. ..right? Anyways my father and i end off this argument badly with me saying "well yeah..atleast now you know i'm going" and he responds with a "NO MAYBE". WTF MAYBE?!? I know he's just saying that to try and worry me and all but why would he even. I've worked my ass off for this for a whole year just for him to try to hold me back? Wow. Anyways for the next 5 days i stay mad at him avoiding talks and responding with short, blank, careless answers at the dinner table.
Whenever he'd bring up the topic again we'd end up in the same arguements. Today in the car for example, it starts off as a talk and ends in yelling. And when he comes to pick me up from practice he's wise enough not to bring it up for the millionth time. I give him my chocolate heart as some small sign of saying "peace?" although i know it won't resolve much anyways. I start feeling bad, my dad has that effect on my after a while.
When we do get home i go up to him and explain myself for the last time. Telling him i thought i told him and if i didn't the only reason why i probably didn't was because i was scared about him saying no.
"Dad I'm sorry"
"It's okay, i just want you to know that the only reason why i'm making this a big deal is because i'm worried for your safety that's all."
"I know Dad i guess i would be too if i were a parent. I'm a girl and I'm an only child."
"Jessica, you're all we have left."
So next time you want me home by a certain time i will respect that. Next time you want me to give you every detail that is necessary for you to know i will tell you. I will try to answer your calls right away to avoid having you call minute after minute and leaving 12 missed calls on my cell. And I will try my best in the future not to dissapoint you. I love you both and thankyou for letting me leave next month.
Next month i'm leaving with sicktylz for a huge competition out of Canada. I could have sworn I had told my parents but i guess not because once i gave them the consent forms my dad was ...surprised (and not in the good way). It worries him that we're being driven there by sickstylz members. I dont see what the big deal is. I've been driven to some practices by them it really isn't anything new. I know it's going to be a longass drive from here to there but if they didn't think it was possible they wouldn't have planned it out this way. ..right? Anyways my father and i end off this argument badly with me saying "well yeah..atleast now you know i'm going" and he responds with a "NO MAYBE". WTF MAYBE?!? I know he's just saying that to try and worry me and all but why would he even. I've worked my ass off for this for a whole year just for him to try to hold me back? Wow. Anyways for the next 5 days i stay mad at him avoiding talks and responding with short, blank, careless answers at the dinner table.
Whenever he'd bring up the topic again we'd end up in the same arguements. Today in the car for example, it starts off as a talk and ends in yelling. And when he comes to pick me up from practice he's wise enough not to bring it up for the millionth time. I give him my chocolate heart as some small sign of saying "peace?" although i know it won't resolve much anyways. I start feeling bad, my dad has that effect on my after a while.
When we do get home i go up to him and explain myself for the last time. Telling him i thought i told him and if i didn't the only reason why i probably didn't was because i was scared about him saying no.
"Dad I'm sorry"
"It's okay, i just want you to know that the only reason why i'm making this a big deal is because i'm worried for your safety that's all."
"I know Dad i guess i would be too if i were a parent. I'm a girl and I'm an only child."
"Jessica, you're all we have left."
So next time you want me home by a certain time i will respect that. Next time you want me to give you every detail that is necessary for you to know i will tell you. I will try to answer your calls right away to avoid having you call minute after minute and leaving 12 missed calls on my cell. And I will try my best in the future not to dissapoint you. I love you both and thankyou for letting me leave next month.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Is this not true?
"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down, probably will. You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your bestfriend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry becuase time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So, take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt, becuase every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of unhappiness you'll never get back"
...Anonymous
...Anonymous
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
jmr
Besides math...
life is really making me smile.
Like a new start to a new year...
shit this is going to be a good year.
life is really making me smile.
Like a new start to a new year...
shit this is going to be a good year.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
GOODBYE 08 HEEELLO 09!
If spring can take the snow... can it melt away all our mistakes?
Realistically no. BUT what can happen is learning from your mistakes and your past. And when better to start off new than a NEW year? RESOLUTIONS i'm seriously drawing you out. I dont think i've ever been this excited for a new year let alone for writing resolutions. I think i skipped that last year thinking it wasn't going to be useful becuase most people make goals they're eager to work for in jan but by mid-year or later they've probaly already failed or forgotten about it. Wow i'm just thinking about all the things that 2008 brought. I can't say it was one of the best years but i definetly did learn alot from it. Learned alot in school (obviously), about my friends, and about myself. All i can say is the good, the bad, the everything has brought me to where i am today and i'm actually grateful for that. Grateful for what God has given me and for the obstacles he put me through because it helped me grow. And now these reolsutions i'm thinking about well they just about cover all the different aspects of my life. God, family, friends, school, dance and everything else inbetween. SO here they are:
1.GO TO CHURCH i've missed so many sundays and used dance as an excuse. I know i can work around that.
2.DONT STRAY FROM THE FAM because they've always been there for me and even though my life does get busy i need to make more time for them
3.DONT SWEAT THE SMALL THINGS in other words let the minor issues go. Really it's a waste of time to deal with these things over and over again. Stress is over and done with.
4.STAY FOCUSED in school especially since midterms are coming up! No more skipping bio homework and jamming study notes into my brain the night before a test.
5.WORK YOUR HARDEST at dance. Your getaway from everything. Get inspired. And in return be inspirational. practice, practice, practice.
6.CUT DOWN ON SPENDING. I literally went crazy on boxing day. And so what? it's boxing day. But for now... im restrained from unneccessary things unless it's really.... necessary.
7.KEEP NORMAL SLEEPING HOURS i find that sleeping early and waking up early is essential for having a focused day at school. So no more procrasting and leaving homework to be started at 10 pm. Start earlier, then sleep earlier, then wakeup earlier = no undereye bags, lazy days, crappy mornings!
Realistically no. BUT what can happen is learning from your mistakes and your past. And when better to start off new than a NEW year? RESOLUTIONS i'm seriously drawing you out. I dont think i've ever been this excited for a new year let alone for writing resolutions. I think i skipped that last year thinking it wasn't going to be useful becuase most people make goals they're eager to work for in jan but by mid-year or later they've probaly already failed or forgotten about it. Wow i'm just thinking about all the things that 2008 brought. I can't say it was one of the best years but i definetly did learn alot from it. Learned alot in school (obviously), about my friends, and about myself. All i can say is the good, the bad, the everything has brought me to where i am today and i'm actually grateful for that. Grateful for what God has given me and for the obstacles he put me through because it helped me grow. And now these reolsutions i'm thinking about well they just about cover all the different aspects of my life. God, family, friends, school, dance and everything else inbetween. SO here they are:
1.GO TO CHURCH i've missed so many sundays and used dance as an excuse. I know i can work around that.
2.DONT STRAY FROM THE FAM because they've always been there for me and even though my life does get busy i need to make more time for them
3.DONT SWEAT THE SMALL THINGS in other words let the minor issues go. Really it's a waste of time to deal with these things over and over again. Stress is over and done with.
4.STAY FOCUSED in school especially since midterms are coming up! No more skipping bio homework and jamming study notes into my brain the night before a test.
5.WORK YOUR HARDEST at dance. Your getaway from everything. Get inspired. And in return be inspirational. practice, practice, practice.
6.CUT DOWN ON SPENDING. I literally went crazy on boxing day. And so what? it's boxing day. But for now... im restrained from unneccessary things unless it's really.... necessary.
7.KEEP NORMAL SLEEPING HOURS i find that sleeping early and waking up early is essential for having a focused day at school. So no more procrasting and leaving homework to be started at 10 pm. Start earlier, then sleep earlier, then wakeup earlier = no undereye bags, lazy days, crappy mornings!
8.GET YOUR N! Holy crap it's nearly a year that i could have gotten it!
Anyways that's it for the list now. THANKYOU to all of you who have made 2008 one i can remember. For all of you who were always there for me and had my back, i love you!For those who were there for me in the goodtimes and the really shittyass times ahaha! I only hope that 2009 has more to offer for us and from what it looks like it already has. SO here's to 2009 new year new start!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
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